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The Hardest Gratitude List I've Ever Written

Every year for as long as I can remember, I have written a gratitude list around this time to focus on all of my wins and accomplishments of the year to move into the next year in a state of gratitude.

This's hard.

With all of the loss, hatred, inequality, death, unemployment, fear, disease and the circus of bullshit our government is at the has been a challenge to focus on the positive. I have never been one to be a Spiritual Bypasser who just throws "love and light" to huge deep shitty problems because I have not been personally affected by it. It's the same of "thoughts and prayers" doing ABSOLUTELY nothing to help the lives lost in a school shooting.

Love and Light will not fix 2020...doing the deep work to shine the light on the horrific shadow of hate, racism and inequality our nation is festering in is what will slowly begin to heal us...but I digress.

My 2020 list of Gratitude:

1) I am so so so so SOOOOO grateful that the work I do can so easily pivot to working online only. I have opened my practice up to people all over the world by focusing on working only online this year, and have met some amazing people I never would have, had I only been working with people local to the LA area. I am also grateful that I have been told that most clients who have worked with me in person in the past are reporting that they are able to go even more deeply into Hypnosis and relaxation with Reiki because they are safe within their own bed at home.

2) I am grateful that Biden won the election. He was not my first choice at all, but he was the only choice we had besides reelecting the hideous shadow of hate to continue eating our nation alive like a cancer.

3) I am so grateful for my health insurance. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to get all the tests and help I need for the next adventure with my health. It is nothing as scary as the Cancer Journey of 2018...but it will still lead to surgery at some point next year, and if I didn't have health insurance, I would be in a world of debt.

4) I am so grateful I have been able to remain 100% debt free through the Quarantine and shut down. Once everything shut down in March, I had pretty much my whole month of clients cancel on me because of job loss, fear of job loss or needing to save money. I thankfully was able to pivot in order to slowly build up my online business and didn't have to pay for groceries, the auto mechanic or medical things on my credit card, like I know a lot of Americans are having to do right now.

5) I am grateful to reclaim the Healing Woods room to be my personal meditation spot, writing/creativity haven, the sanctuary I meet online clients in, my sacred space for ritual and the womb of self-healing I have needed deeply. It used to be the room I saw people in on workdays and closed it up completely when I wasn't working to give myself boundaries around my time and work. Now I get to not only work in it but recreate myself in it too. It is 100% my favorite place to be.

6) I am still in shock and completely grateful that my dad decided 2020 was the year to quit drinking cold turkey after 38 years of drinking morning to night literally every day.

I have done DECADES of work on my Inner Child trying to heal her from the deep pain having an alcoholic father caused her, and worked on my own addiction issues throughout my 20's and 30's before I rested into my 40's feeling free of them and strong within myself.

All those decades of work couldn't hold a candle to the seconds it took him to tell me, "I completely quit was time." My heart has always had a HUGE hole in it where my dad was concerned because I could never really connect with him, because he was always drunk, so once my 20's hit, for my own sanity...I gave up trying and just checked in on him from time to time, because it hurt too much to see him drunk and wasting his life away.

This year...I am able to connect with him sober, and am figuring out what it even is to have a dad who is sober, because I've never known what that feels like my whole life since I was 7. It feels amazing to spend time with him once a month and take him places like the beach and out to lunches...and I am so proud of him.

I came from him, and look at what I've accomplished by slaying my dragons...of course he could do it.

7) I am so grateful for my mom and the way our relationship has healed and grown over the years. After hearing of how many of my friends have lost their parents this year...I am so grateful she is still here and we have more time to grow our relationship even more.

8) I am so incredibly grateful for my clients who find me online by word of mouth and connect with me knowing that I am "the one" to take them further on their healing journey. I love seeing their transformations and growth while working with them in packages and helping them through the twists and turns of 2020 as well as celebrating their manifestations and healing. It is because of my clients that I am able to do my soul's purpose for a living and I thank the Universe for them daily.

9) I am so grateful for my Ancestors and all of the help and guidance they have given me within the dark times of 2020...and there have been many for me.

Somehow though...with their help...the doors open, the tears run out and the healing happens. I am grateful the Quarantine has given me more time to focus on my daily spiritual practice, and connecting with my ancestors is definitely a huge part of that practice.

10) I am so grateful for my kitty boys...Solo Quarantine would be a lot more rough without them. I am one who enjoys quiet, solitude and peace...but the smiles and laughs I get from these two and their antics coupled with the cuddles, purrs and love they give me when I am down are a huge light shining within the darkness of 2020.

11) Last but certainly not friends. Even though I am REALLY good at hermitting and planning on being even more of a hermit through the winter, I am so grateful for the friends that stick with me through my hermit ways and check in on me.

The ones I have regular Zoom hangouts with and New Moon and Full Moon check in's with keep me feeling connected during this year of complete solitude.

The Social Distance in-person time we have is medicine for my heart and soul's amazing how Quarantine has taught me that it isn't how many friends I have and how much I run around trying to be everywhere for everyone that is going deep the few times I see my friends that create real bonds that can grow beautifully that counts, and that is what I am focused on right now.

The next list I write is my list of manifestation and focus for the new year which I write around the Winter Solstice.

As I read my list I wrote last year before knowing the shit show 2020 was going to be, I notice that I actually did a few of the things I wanted to do in 2020:

1) Building my online business. (thanks, COVID)

2) Cut ties with toxic relationships.

3) Acceptance work around Dad's alcoholism and allowing him in more.

4) Spend more time in Nature.

5) Change the type of man I attract to me.

So 2020 was not a total loss for me...some really important shifts in life were created around these super important focuses I had for the year...they were just created in ways I couldn't even imagine as I wrote them in 2019.

Looking forward to allowing 2021 to create even more shifts and bring in love partnership, creativity and transformation into the forefront of my THAT list...I am looking forward to writing next month!

Until then...this Nature Hermit sends you love from her forest path.

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