I have been wanting to get closure from the last relationship I had, and have reached out to him many times in the past month or so to try to get this closure.
The way things ended was abrupt and reactionary, and left no room for closure…just like a severed limb with no bandage or healing around it…raw and bloody.
This man and I have been bumping into each other randomly ever since the severance, and obviously are still within each other’s auric field…so I wanted to make right some things I felt I did wrong within our parting, and find the closure of that relationship.
I am not getting any concrete response from him at all…I’ve gotten “yes…let’s meet”…but then nothing as far as a date goes…so I decided I needed to go seek the closure I needed from the Sea, since he is not able to provide this for me.
I went to my secret beach between Ventura and Santa Barbara, got there early and found my favorite spot far away from the couple people that were there.
I immediately got into the water and instead of doing my usual of swimming past where the waves break to get into the calm waters…I stayed right where the waves were crashing onto the shore and spoke with Yemaya…the Mother Goddess of the Ocean.
I spoke with Her about a lot of things…mainly taking away any residual pain or regret about that relationship that might by hiding in me…but also about any blocks I have to a real new love coming in, any blocks I may have to success for The Healing Woods and any blocks I might have in the writing of my memoir about the fire, “Baptism By Flame.”
As I talked to Her about each subject, and the waves grew more and more intense I stood there openly taking in the energy of the Ocean. I found it funny that when I was talking about releasing the pain of the relationship and shattering blockages to love…the waves were hitting me directly in the Solar Plexus and Heart Chakra. I could literally feel the energy of the waves cutting through me and cleansing me of any past cords or regret of how things happened between us.
When I was talking about writing the book…I was being hit in the Creative Chakra…so hard once that I almost fell back…but even though Yemaya can be a harsh and powerful Goddess…She would never harm one of Her children praying within Her Ocean.
When speaking of The Healing Woods I was being hit in the root Chakra which makes sense because the Root chakra is all about being grounded and having enough money to feel secure in this life. Also…my healing work definitely grounds me as well as the clients I work on.
I stayed within the powerful force of the waves for some time…and then moved through them into the more calm waters of the Sea and floated for some time within the peace. A seal was floating about 10 feet from me. We looked at each other and smiled…he ducked in the water and swam off.
As an Animal Totem…Seal means balance…the Seal has an inherant sense of balance, and lives in the water but gives birth on land. Seals do not have external ears, but hear from within, which symbolizes our ability to listen to our inner voice. Seals swim comfortably both above and below the water – this totem signifies an ability to experience both the inner and outer worlds and to discover the mysteries inside each of us. This can bring about a balance to steady the problems of life.
This made great sense to me with all that I am trying to balance right now in life. Thank you, Seal for the important message I needed to hear.
I swam for some time, sang to the waves, did some mantra and then decided to take a long walk as far as the beach would let me. This beach is amazing…so much sea life all over the place because not too many of my species are around to scare them off. I have seen countless seals, dolphins, sponges, crabs, lobsters, jellyfish and ALL SORTS of shells and rocks littering the shores. I walked for an hour one way, and a little crab was dancing in my path.
Crab is a reminder that not all paths are direct and not all ways will be forthcoming in their meaning. When you are moving in a certain direction, and you feel a bit misguided, call upon the travel-savvy crab. She will guide you in an unorthodox way – taking lesser known paths of least resistance and bring you to clarity.
The crab reminds us that we may live within the diversity of this world with the preparedness of a warrior (wearing armor), but we are born with this preparedness – we do not have to guard or defend ourselves on purpose.
In other words, when we relax and move in the waves of wellbeing – moving in the natural flow of things, we have no need for defense. All of our needs are met, and we are divinely cared for.
There’s a reason for the old adage: “happy as a crab.” It’s because the crab is content to move with the natural cadence of the moon, the water, the land, and the perfect rhythm of nature. We would do well to follow her lead.
So many beautiful signs all around me mixed with the deep feeling of peace becoming me, and I felt ready to turn back and relax a while on my Magical Sheet and do some writing.
I have a queen size sheet that I bring everywhere I go in Nature. This sheet has been on beaches up and down the Coast from San Diego to Oregon, inside my Redwood Tree, on the shore of The Salton Sea and all over Joshua Tree. This sheet and I go way back…and many important discoveries have been found on the Magical Sheet, words written and meditations received.
I took a nap, and awoke within the muses arms.
The following came out of me while listening to the waves and laying on my Magical Sheet:
“I held hands with the ocean today,
I took a long walk with me,
Away from the last hand I held,
Straight into the Sea.
I hugged the waves today,
Had a long talk with me,
Creating the closure I needed,
As I was tumbled by the Sea.
I sang into the sea mist today,
Mused about what’s inside of me,
No longer singing of loss,
My lyrics whispered to me by the sea.
I fell asleep on the sand today,
Dreamed of my love with me,
His face or name I do not know,
But his love as powerful and vast as the Sea.”
I came to the Sea seeking closure…and closure is what I got.
Sometimes we have to create our own closure because the other person is not ready, willing or able to give that to us. This is all perfect and good. I have learned in life that I am an endless well of strength to myself…this strength usually comes after some time of beating myself up with doubt and regret.
Well…my time of doubt and regret are over when it comes to this situation…and the powerful peace that the Sea instilled in me will stay with me for some time. The sunset that day was particularly beautiful…because I was seeing it from a place of closure instead of a place of being raw.