I can’t believe that the last time I blogged was my last day in Trinidad. I kept meaning to blog, and had amazing things happen in life that were definitely blog-worthy, but for whatever reason…I have not had the time, nor the muses’ push to open up my blog and post something until now. The Humboldt Muses have had their way with me for the past few days, and I am bursting with the desire and deep need to write.
As per usual, my life has been on hyper-drive since I left this magical place.
Throughout life, I always experienced huge shifts after leaving The Redwoods. I chalk it up to me being able to take some time to be within the womb of Nature and being able to truly listen and hear the guidance my soul has been whispering to me my whole life.
Usually life was non stop, stressful and filled with tons of people when I was working full time in the media industry, in nightclubs and performing on stage with a band for 12 years…all while watering the little tiny seedling of The Healing Woods with my blood, sweet and tears in my early 30’s. I never had time alone, and I never had time to really listen to what my Soul or The Universe had to say.
During that time, I held sacred my one week a year that I would disconnect from it all and have adventures exploring the silence of Nature completely and totally alone. I never seemed to be able to find time to be completely silent and alone in SoCal during that point in my life, because I was always out promoting the band and business, working in a sea of suits and machinery and when I did get home…I was living in a wonderful community of friends, and always at someone else’s house in the courtyard or having people over to mine.
My 2 weeks of vacation were always spent in the Redwoods alone for one week and then later on in the year at a week long meditation retreat with Ammachi.
I learned to fight for silence, and make the most out of the small amount of silence and time away from people as I could.
Things changed when all within one fateful year…2012…I was stripped of my corporate job and my band. I was left in the aftermath with an abundance of time alone, and lots of will and silence in which to make my life exactly what I knew it was supposed to be free from the trappings of Corporate USA and being stressed beyond measure trying to keep up with what I felt I should be doing in life. Instead…I was running blindly into the arms of what I felt I needed to be doing with this precious time I have left in life.
Lots of blood sweat and tears later, and I am not only the owner of one business…The Healing Woods…but now I have another…Reiki Doula…and I could not be happier to spend countless hours behind the scenes building mailing lists, writing newsletters, revamping websites, going back to school, researching healing fairs, women’s health conferences and wellness events to go to.
2013 and 2014 were all about figuring out what works and what doesn’t when it comes to modalities for me to focus on. I taught juicing classes, meditation classes, did tons of public speaking, joined business owners associations, lead Reiki shares, Reiki Circles, Full Moon and New Moon public gatherings, house sat, dog walked, read tarot at all sorts of places, played with essential oil distribution…so many things…and finally…I have found exactly what this body was meant to do during its time within this body: all things Reiki, Fire Cupping, Doula and Tarot. Period.
Now that the pressure is off to figure out which road to go down as far as my business goes…now the road splits into where exactly I should be doing this business. As the question appeared in my head…the roads and doors opened to Trinidad.
Now, instead of trying to get in as much peace as I can 1 week a year…I am now able to come to this beautiful Mecca multiple times a year and stay for 2-3 weeks at a time.
The last trip was all about healing my heart and cutting emotional cords from past loves and building relationships out here to fill the void I was feeling…now that I am truly healed and moved on and full of love…I feel like this trip so far has had one huge focus for me…
Spending time with my mom, who just happens to be out here at the same time. I have never spent time with my mom out here as an adult. We always came at different times, and I feel like the time has come now for us to be here at the same time for a beautiful reason. I am now grown up enough and close enough to her to trust that I can share with her all of my healing places I have found here since my yearly trips here in my 20’s.
Back when I found my favorite tree and hikes around here, our relationship was not in a place where I felt safe and comfortable sharing these places with her. Now, however…I feel no need to hide any part of who I am with her, and that is a HUGE thing for me and our relationship.
I’ve been driving my mom all over Humboldt County, showing her my most sacred places, like my tree that I have meditated within and my favorite fallen tree that has been carved into a bench that I see as my church pew within the Redwood Cathedral…countless hours of meditation and writing have happened on that pew, and it felt so amazing to sit there with my mom and feel a huge love and bond with her.
Our relationship when I was growing up was a battle…in the past 5 years, we have come to terms that I am not going to change her and she is not going to change me…but we can honor and love each other’s differences, and perhaps even learn from them.
My heart feels blown wide open as per usual being up here…but I feel as if a past Karmic bind has been broken wide open on an even deeper level sharing all of my places with my mom…showing her the true beauty I have found here, and all of the places I hold sacred. It is truly sharing myself with her, and I am excited to do so.
Yesterday in the car, she said she gave me her blessing to move up here with tears in her eyes. This is huge…my whole life I have wanted to move up here, but it was a huge point of contention between us, because I am her only daughter, and her fear of losing me caused arguments and huge battles at times between us about the place which brings me so much peace.
Now that I have shared it with her, she accepts it and understands why I love it so much up here….and I am seeing even more now that it does not have to be North OR South…it is a mixture of the 2….now to find the balance.
I cannot say exactly when I will be moved up here…I think it will be a transition of years. My focus is to live both places, and work in both places. The Healing Woods North and Healing Woods South dream is back on the table and being focused on intently, now that some Karmic blockages have been broken through between my mom and I.
I will never completely leave SoCal, because I have so many roots there…my mom being the #1 reason…plus other family…then friends and clients. So there will always be a place for me to live there…and I just know that when the time is right…I will find the right balance between North and South.
I will then find a place to rent out here in the woods for a small amount each month, and continue to offer my services out of the beautiful places I have found in this area.
The more time up here I spend…the better for my soul…and I am quickly building a beautiful little practice up here, and spreading the word about me in all ways possible.
I don’t need to know HOW this all will happen today…I just rest comfortably and peacefully in the knowledge that it WILL happen with ease and grace. The Universe is conspiring to make this happen as I type this…I just have to allow it all to unfold.
One of the hikes I recently took lead me though green fields, rivers, sand dunes and finally to the sea. I had no idea what was ahead as the fog was thick. Even though I didn’t know what was ahead except for a white wall of fog…the whole journey was beautiful and even more exciting BECAUSE I didn’t know exactly what was coming up next.
For the first time in my life, I am excited to not know and plan every single second of my life and know each step that follows.
I have plans…I have desires…and as always I am going to work hard towards my goal. Beginning now though…I am not going to plan my life so tight that I don’t have the chance to allow for Spirit to flow me through the fog into the huge realms I am supposed to be in.
Our minds create safe roads to spin on…Spirit flows us to huge oceans we can expand on.