This New Moon was a very deep one for me in a very beautiful way.
I spent it in a beautiful magical circus tent in the middle of Joshua Tree with a Shaman, my best friend Isaac and the deepest healing and journeying I have ever encountered yet this lifetime.
The past 3 months have been sweetly silent for me.
I have said no to most obligations and people around me in order to say yes to me, and I do not feel guilty one bit.
The past 3 years have been a blur of activity mostly focused around building my business. Some fun…some stressful…some sad…some important and some not important whatsoever.
Through all of this activity, the 3 things that were my main focuses in life were completely ignored:
*Losing more weight.
*Posting Videos for my business.
*Finishing my book.
I had a Come To Jesus talk with myself the New Moon of May, and pushed my own reset button hard core. It was time.
I went through my calendar, and cleared everything out of it that was not a client, Mastermind business building meeting or completely necessary in order to book time for writing my book 3 times a week for 5 hours a day, and swim 6 times a week for an hour and a half straight each day.
I pretty much stopped drinking without even trying to or setting the intention to…it just fell out of my life on its own.
Since I am not going out to social functions and instead, working on me…I have no need for alcohol, and I must say that I do feel completely clear, focused and strong without it.
I have said no to everyone else in order to say yes to me.
Since making these changes to my schedule, work out plan and dietary habits, the following has happened:
*9 out of 10 chapters of my book are complete.
*I have lost 25 pounds and 4 inches around my waist.
*I have posted 2 live videos on my Facebook Page
It’s amazing what you can do when you move your priorities in life around, and finally I am truly doing ME and bringing in the transformation I desire within myself physically, emotionally and within my online business.
I am also in the middle of a 10 week working meditation on The Tree of Life, and there are many different meditations, actions and subjects to journal on within this work, and I wanted to share with you something I wrote when it asked me to write about forgiving myself for something.
I chose to forgive myself for gaining a lot of the weight back that I lost in 2013.
I allowed myself to become an emotional wreck when it came to eating because of fear around having to build this business or else I’d be stuck in a hellish advertising industry job, sadness around a break up and old issues from childhood rearing their ugly heads throughout 2014 and 2015.
I wrote the following in my journal, and it really came straight from my heart, and did not even pass through my head for permission:
“There is a huge difference between being silent and being at peace. I can truly say that today I am completely at peace with the past.”
For years I was silent…kept grounded…kept positive…released when I could, but still I felt the roots of it all churning away in my heart and stomach at the thought or memories of certain people and situations.
Now…there is nothing. No churning. No sadness. No longing for the past. No anger at the past. No weakness. No needing to be right. No thinking someone is wrong. Nothing but peace.
Within this beautiful powerful peace is strength.
It is as if I am a warrior coming back from battle with my shield and armor bloodied and scratched…but my body underneath is fine.
With all of the work I am doing on myself, I am taking off the armor and showing who I really am.
I am showing who I really am with Baptism By Flame: A 10 Step Guide to Harnessing Your Inner Phoenix being finished and published in early 2017, being seen live on video without “proper lighting”, make up to speak of or a script and every time I push myself to the next 50 laps and swim harder and faster to the point of screaming under water in the pool…I am dropping the armor one layer at a time in order to be seen, and it feels amazing.
Here I am at the rawest and purely happiest I have been in a long time. It was a few mornings ago on the New Moon in the magical Circus Tent in Joshua Tree after a full night of drumming, crying, singing, purging, laughing and receiving:
So I leave you with these questions to ask yourself:
What am I avoiding doing for me by saying yes to every one else?
What do I need to truly forgive myself for on a deep and personal level?
Am I truly at peace about the past or have I just been silent?
I have one BS Bonfire I am hosting this month