When within the storm…all senses are focused on the storm.
What it sounds like…the voices within my head berating me about fight or flight decisions I made within the storm. The sound of my own sobbing being the back drop to too many days.
What it smells like…the scents of the past creeping in to either calm or destroy me…the newly found scents of essential oils that have been my savior on many an emotional hurtle.
What it looks like…a literal whirlwind of loss and destruction…fast paced and completely uncontrollable by anyone.
There were moments of peace within it all…and I clung to those moments with all of my waning strength…but I soon found out those moments of strength were just teasers. They were eyes within the storm, and it felt like all eyes of the Universe were watching me…testing me…tumbling me…over and over again within all facets of the life I once knew.
The beautiful thing about being tumbled is that rocks turn into smooth precious stones within the constant tumbling of the sea. Hunks of metal are put into the fire and beat into razor sharp powerful swords. The most precious of gems, Diamonds are formed when carbon melts under extreme temperatures and millions of years of pressure result in the most beautiful and sought after gem. Gold…the highest alchemical form which is usually paired with Diamonds to symbolize love and devotion…is fired at temperatures of over 2000 degrees to form.
I am good with being tumbled. I do well with it, actually. The kicks in the ass I get from The Universe can be harsh when many come at once…but as harsh as the kick is…that is exactly how beautiful the outcome of the kick will be. I’m heading into the outcome phase of the last kicks I have received, and life is definitely looking, feeling, and smelling sweet.
I also love that the kicks I am currently getting are no longer of the physical nature. In the past I learned all my lessons through physical pain with healing from 3rd degree burns over 30% of my body, a colon resection, a bruised lung and cracked ribs from a car accident and many other lessons in physical pain.
Through this physical pain, coping with it and healing from it I feel that I was put in Healer Boot Camp, because without experiencing this pain, and learning how to strengthen myself with the experiences that came up…I would be no good in the healing field. How can a healer work on others without having empathy for the pain their client is going through?
Now that the tides have turned, and I am no longer being physically kicked…now my time of learning through emotional pain has been born. Most of my clients come to me in emotional pain…they want to release the pain they are feeling within their hearts from a break up, a death or a past childhood experience. I too have had all of these happen to me…but not as much as I have learned through physical pain…so my Emotional Bootcamp began in November by losing my job, continued in Feb by losing an intense love relationship and friend, followed by March with losing a band of 11 years.
Lots of loss for such a short period of time. One door closes, and many others open…but they will not open while I am sobbing for the past door.
Today my life looks a lot different than it did before Emotional Boot Camp got its claws into me. The job leaving opened up my life to doing the work I love and have a passion for full time. The band leaving opened up the door to me learning to sing Arabic while playing Zills (NOT an easy undertaking…but nothing easy is worth it). The relationship leaving taught me A LOT about how I was viewing love and relationships…and at the time where I was felt right to me. Of course hindsight is 20/20…and if I knew now what I knew then…I think things would have turned out a lot differently.
I am still trying to get complete closure of that door…I am very close…but some doors…especially the doors within the heart…are the hardest to truly close.
Emotional Boot Camp is over…6 months of soul changing, heart building, mind blowing work…and there were times I felt like I was falling into that deep pit of despair and would never find my way out. I did though…I clawed and climbed my way out towards the light until my hands bled…but I made it.
Now I truly feel after this, that I am in balance with my lessons learned through physical pain and my lessons learned through emotional pain, and with this balance I am ready to take on any emotional pain anyone around me needs help with…along with the tight muscles and aching backs…the emotions that are hiding within that pain are usually the root of the discomfort.
The end of the storm is here…the sun is shining on my face as I sit back and welcome some lessons learned within peace and joy.