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Complicated Grief & How to Heal When Someone Who Hurt You Dies

It's taken me a while to be able to process and talk about this, because it was such an out of nowhere shock to my life and my system.

A little over a week ago I got the phone call from my mom that her twin, my Aunt died of a heart attack.


She died on 2/22 at 2am...and was a twin...that was not lost on me.


This is such a complicated grief because she and I grew apart in the past few years due to her becoming more and more of a hermit, angry, depressed and lashing out at me every time I reached out. For my own mental health, I had to have big boundaries with her especially in the past few years.


Within my work, I help people connect with their Ancestors, since I work very closely with mine, and have an Ancestor Altar set up in my ritual space for year round work...not just during late Oct/early Nov when most people honor their dead. Ancestors are a powerful connection to Spirit, and they are here to help us, heal us and guide us in life each and everyday.

I would always get questions of "How do you honor an ancestor that hated you or that you were distant from for one reason or another?" from clients and now I am doing the work in my own life to truly honor the beautiful spirit of this woman who truthfully gave me a lot of grief in her human body towards the end.

Be that as it may...she and I had decades of love and connection, and she at one point in my life was one of my favorite people because she lived the life I always wanted in the middle of a Redwood Forest with tons of kitties and doggies to play with and she listened to music while driving a little sports car through the Redwood forests!


I am in the middle of honoring her and coming to terms with her death, so I wanted to share my process in hopes that it helps someone out there going through this same complicated grief of working through the emotions when someone dies that you haven't seen or spoken to in a while...maybe even years.


First...I chose a picture of her in her younger years to use for my healing work on myself and our relationship...a picture of her from when I was a little girl excited to get to the Redwood Forests and see my Aunt, have tea parties with her, play in the Redwoods, feed the ducks with her and pet all of her 10 big fluffy Himalayan kitties!


Then I wrote her a very long 10 page letter that took about a week to get out of me by writing every night by her picture...getting things off my chest I was not able to express when she was in her human form, and once the letter was written, I read it out loud to her picture to get the words out of my head, heart and body.


It was only then that the tears began flowing out like rivers and the real emotions of loss, love and our past connection ripped through the shock I was in.


I am still in the process of reconnecting to her as she is in Spirit, and I have asked her to show me a sign that she is willing to work with me from the other side...my Uncle shared with me that he randomly had a picture fly off of the wall while he was working on things for her estate. He texted over a picture of that picture so I could see the artwork to see if it is a sign, and the word "Yeah" is clearly there:


I look forward to building more of a connection and bond with my beautiful Aunt in the Redwoods now that she is in Spirit...and I honor and have gratitude for the good times that we shared while she was on the Earthly Realm.


I am also here to help you through any unresolved grief or loss that you may still be holding onto.


Hypnotherapy and Reiki are beautiful to help ease the pain of grief as it is fresh, and even more so...once you have repressed it, because it was too hard to feel in the moment...but it is still stuck inside of you.


These modalities will not force you to feel it all at once, rather they will create the energetic and subconscious shifts that need to happen in order to allow you to be free.


You can go HERE to book a session with me, and allow me to help you free yourself from old past grief or to hold your hand and help to strengthen you through current grief and to connect with the love and support of your Ancestors.



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