Today marks one week since my womb and a number of lymph nodes were released from my body within a surgery that I thought would take 4 hours….but I ended up under sedation for 10 hours.
The night before surgery I slept literally 18 minutes.
I know this number because I was listening to a hypnotherapy recording I had my hypnotherapist do around releasing Cancer, the surgery and healing, and fell asleep at the beginning, and once I was counted out of hypnotherapy, I awoke, and couldn’t fall back asleep, so I just began visualizing.
1) Visualizing myself Cancer Free.
2) Visualizing myself waking up from sedation and asking if the surgery was laparoscopic or a big incision, and hearing them answer, “Laparoscopic”
3) Visualizing being told the surgery was a success and I wouldn’t have to have any Chemo or Radiation after.
I decided at 3am, that it was time to get up soon anyway and take a shower and remove all jewelry, since I was to check into City of Hope at the lovely hour of Dark:30…5:30am.
I took my shower and spoke to my body, and told it that we would be ok…that the cutting and snipping and rearranging of our insides was needed for us to continue living a very long and healthy life.
I brushed my hair and looked into my eyes in the mirror and started balling. I told myself that we would get through this, that I am strong and have been through much worse and that no matter what happens…I have the strength to get through it.
With the last 20 minutes I had left before my friend picked me up, I lit up my Ancestor’s Altar and did a meditation asking for help from all of them for a Laparoscopic surgery and quick healing after.
I focused a lot on Patrick O’Shea and Stacey Fuller, who I both lost to Cancer.
Stacey was a client who quickly turned friend that I helped during her 4 year battle with Stage 4 Breast Cancer. I learned so much about how to look at a scary diagnosis, what not to say to people with cancer and how to teach people about what to expect from Cancer in an informative, clear and always humorous way. I learned what being fierce in the face of total adversity of your life, body and medical treatments was like from Stace…and even though her whole life fell to pieces around her the last year or so of her life with the Cancer getting super painful, her husband cheating on her and shooting himself in the head and her having to sell the lovely house she owned and get rid of the life they had together…ALL AT ONCE…and she did it with grace, strength, love and a fierceness that only comes out of someone who had been through what she had. Stacey is seriously my Angel within my journey.
Patrick was a dear friend who was the husband of my spiritual brother since high school. I laughed my ass off, did shots of Irish Whiskey and smoked cigarettes on the front porch with pre cancer Patrick in my late 20’s and early 30’s…and gave Reiki to, held his hand and visited in the hospital many times the angel that was struggling for his life within the walls of City of Hope in my late 30’s and into my early 40’s. From Patrick I learned how to stand up for yourself during treatment, and I learned about City of Hope and how beautifully they treated their patients. Everywhere I walk on the huge campus of City of Hope, I see Patrick…and when I learned that my surgery was being done in the very same building that Patrick finally passed on in…I knew that I was going to be ok, and that he would be there with me. I was there giving Reiki to him the moment his heart stopped surrounded by at least 20 of his closest friends and family who flew in from Ireland. Patrick showed me how to die…which I guess can be looked at as a fucked up thing to say…but I mean it in the most loving way. There was SO MUCH LOVE in that room, and we sang to him, we comforted him, we allowed him to release his pain filled failing body surrounded by love, warmth and healing…I can’t think of a better way to go, if I can’t go taking a nap within a Redwood forest listening to the trickle of a river…I want what he had, damnit.
My Chariot arrived at 4:45 am to gather me into the car in the still dark silent morning.
The car ride was laugh filled, because my friend Shelby is awesome, and we arrived at City of Hope early.
I had an antique skeleton key I used in a healing Full Moon Ritual I had done the night before, and I told Shelby that I had to do some witchy shit really quick on the way in, and as we were walking up to the front doors of the Helford Building on the City of Hope Campus, I kissed the skeleton key and threw it into some shrubbery right by the entrance.
Skeleton Key I left at City of Hope
Skeleton Keys open all doors, and since I was working a lot with Hecate to open the crossroads for me within my healing…I was using skeleton keys, which are one of her symbols.
That particular Skeleton Key was infused with giving my surgeon the ability to do my surgery laparoscopically, which was not guaranteed to me, because of my former colon resection surgery scars and scar tissue being in the way. She said she would try her hardest…and oh my god did she.
We walk in from the dark quiet of the early morning and into the brightly illuminated white interior of the hospital. LITERALLY the moment I walk in through the automatic doors, a Code Red alarm goes off in the whole building with lights flashing and really loud screaming alarms.
When I was a volunteer at City of Hope, I had to learn what all of their codes meant, and Code Red is an alarm that there was literally a fire in the building.
I giggled to myself a bit that OF COURSE a Code Red happens the moment Baptism By Flame girl walks in, and we went up to the second floor and I awaited my check in all the while listening to the Code Red for a good 15-20 minutes.
In Hypnotherapy School, we learned of a theory of our minds being filled with things called Message Units throughout the day. Everything that happens to you in a day is a Message Unit…a phone ringing, fight with a friend, an e-mail, a car horn, a cute kitty…and in the quiet solitude of my darkened room doing meditations, I was not very filled up with Message Units for the day yet…but the moment we walked into the hospital a complete smorgasbord of Message Units were being downloaded rapidly into my mind!
Message Units make it more easy for the mind to drift and go into hypnosis, so I laughed to myself that with how things are currently going…I may be already out before the anesthesiologist even gets to me!
The Code Red alarm finally stops, and the woman who checked me in assured me that there was not really a fire in the hospital…that it happened because someone badly burned their morning toast. LOL!
They took me back and I met my surgical team, a really painful IV was put into my hand and I said my last goodbyes as a woman with a cancerous womb to Shelby, Isaac and my mother, who were all there to support me that day.
I get rolled into the surgery theater, and I see a huge white thing that