1) I am healing more deeply than I ever have.
I realized today as I swam my 185th lap, that whatever work I do on myself now will get me further down the road of weight loss than I have ever been in life, which means I have successfully made it through some tough emotional times without gaining any weight.
Two times in life, I have lost a lot of weight by focusing solely on diet/exercise in the past but not doing the deep subconscious healing that needed to happen in order to change my habits, and the moment something intense happened I got off track and slowly added the weight back on.
2012 was the last time this happened when I had the triple whammy of a relationship ending, a band breaking up and losing my job all in the same month.
Of course, in 20/20 hindsight I can see that ALL of this loss lead to amazing things in my life.
The relationship leaving made room for me to be able to work on some deep things being with him brought up within me, but the catalyst wasn't supposed to be a part of my healing of it, so he fell out of my life as quickly as he fell in, and I am totally at peace with that loss.
The band leaving gave me room in my schedule to focus on beginning to write my book, and completing that work was a healing moment of me marrying all 3 parts of myself: Demonika, Abhayada and Kristin...and today I am so happy to just be Kristin...finally she is enough.
The job leaving gave me a severance package and Unemployment that allowed me to finally build my business for real and do my passion for a living at The Healing Woods FULL TIME instead of in-between day jobs as I had done it for decades.
During 2012, I couldn't see the gift all of this loss was, and because of that, my old habits kicked in and I lost my way on my healing weight loss path and gained much of what I lost within the next few years.
I realized today at lap 185, that I made it through a solo quarantine, financial uncertainty, ridiculous boy (not man) drama, and still I have kept on track with my weight loss because I am committed to myself now through thick and thin before anyone else. My relationship with me comes first before any drama, fear, or loss.
I am slowly losing more and more weight as I dig deeper and deeper into my healing, and I am feeling a deep upgrade within what I attract, what I create, and crystal clear on what I absolutely will not tolerate in life, love, or myself.
2) I love having my home to myself.
Since the Pandemic hit, I have been forced to spread my wings in a big way in the online arena, and the people I have been meeting all over the world have been amazing lights on my path.
March and April were hard months financially, as I was his with a 50+% decrease from the months prior.
I knew Spirit would guide me to where I needed to be in order to pivot my focus from in person clients to online as long as I did the work, so I put myself out there in a big way. This has been my goal for many years as I am focused on bringing in more and more travel when it is safe to do so, and I want to be able to work no matter where I am...the middle of a Redwood Forest, in the middle of nowhere in Death Valley...or perhaps even Hawaii....and at some point another Country.
I have rebirthed The Healing Woods room into my own personal ritual space, self-healing room, meditation room and writing room. It has always been my favorite room in the house, but I didn't spend a lot of time in it unless I was working. In order to have some boundaries with myself, I closed off the room unless I was seeing a client in there, and sort of forgot I had a second bedroom unless I was working.
My house feels so much more expansive now that I have a whole other room to get more deeply in touch with myself, my heart, and Spirit in, and for that I thank the Quarantine with all my heart.
3) My body can do more than it has ever been able to.
On a recent hike, I went further than I ever allowed myself to go in the past because my body is feeling the best it ever has. I am feeling the best I ever have.
I passed all the points I used to turn back because it was straight uphill, has a super tiny trail at times with a large drop off on one side and I didn't trust my body back then to be able to get all the way to the top of the mountain.
This time...my body was buzzing with energy, and it felt so good to be aware of muscles building in places I've never had them, and I celebrated how my body felt as it moved instead of being in pain or scared I would lose balance and fall down the mountain.
I made it to the top of that mountain, and celebrated where I am in life there.
Even though I have a far way to go on my journey...where I am is amazing, beautiful and a joy to be...so I am enjoying her and loving her through the transition, instead of keeping my eye on only the destination.
I was amazing on step one of this journey just for taking the first step (even though I didn't believe that then)...I love me even more, today...and I will be even more deeply healed, strong, and full of love when I get to the last step of this journey.
I'm loving myself on every single step of this beautiful soul journey...and look forward to what is to come at this lovely crossroads I am on.
Where usually I chose the road that lead me back to where I came from by choosing old habits...today I choose the road never traveled by me that will get me to a completely different destination as a completely different woman in a completely different Post-Pandemic world.
I am feeling a sense of peace with all of the relationships I have in life because I am finally at peace with me.
